So much better today. I woke up yesterday with the pinch in the lower back there again and my neck and shoulder area just aching. I couldn’t even sleep last night so I ended up in tears at 3 am just so frustrated. Wayne was so sweet and got up with me (even though he has to get up at 5 am for work) and let me cry and talk my soul out. I think it was stress that was making it worse. The family schedule is busier than ever right now with JR and Becca about to compete in the state championship on Saturday, Jr’s baseball practice starting next Monday (four nights a week!!!), Savannah’s birthday party on Tuesday (and my parents and my sister and her husband are in a bit of a huge fight right now, so I’m stressed that there might be yelling and tension at Chuck E Cheese that night instead of the light-hearted fun party I want for my baby girl), Savannah’s dental surgery at the hospital on April 26th (which is still scaring me to death. I know I shouldn’t panic, but I really fear having her go under anethesia) the final push in homeschooling to get everything done before the summer break and my two big races coming up. Also, my Mom and this one sweet teen are the only two I ever leave my kids with — and it’s rare. My Mom has been under so much stress she hasn’t been able to babysit more than once ever 2-3 months and our teen sitter is about to graduate from homeschooling and head off to college, so she’s been really busy with her friends and activities — which has meant that Wayne and I can rarely get away by ourselves for even a nice dinner or quiet conversation.  I’ve been a little overwhelmed.

Anyways, Wayne rubbed my back, I used my roller again and then I cried on his shoulder and was able to fall back to sleep. I woke up more refreshed than I’ve felt in weeks. Sometimes a girl just needs to vent I think! I have only had one professional massage in my life — the day of my 30th birthday — but Wayne suggested that I try and get one again soon. I think that would help. I’m worrying myself sick about the 50k. I have such a fear of not finishing again. The other race wasn’t official. I know that — but it still felt like a real race and I’m really freaking out that some oddball thing will happen again and I’ll end up the only one not to finish again. I could really use some positive thoughts on April 24th that I can do the distance, guys! I don’t care how long it takes me. I just want to finish!!!!!!

I was also looking at upcoming races online last night and am torn about doing a marathon May 15th. I would  to have a second marathon under my belt and my training is really good right now, so I think I’m in good shape for it — but — I have the half marathon April 17th, the ultra (31.07 miles) April 24th – so that would give me 3 weeks to recover and be up for a marathon distance. I “think” it might be perfect — but I also fear overdoing it. Hmmm. Last year, after my marathon, Bertha and I ended up leaping into a 5k exactly one week after our marathon — and I found that I was able to hit the finish line at just a hair under 27 minutes, which much better than I’d expected. I felt fine. But..that’s a 5K and I was racing it. I was thinking I could just play it by ear — if I’m feeling fatigued still, I could just run it like a training run and if I’m feeling good, I could up the pace a bit. It would be pretty cool to say I’ve done “marathonS” – you know – plural!!

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