I think I’ve decided something guys. This isn’t over. I’ve been trying to sort out in my head and heart the past two days how I will react to this DNF. On the one hand, this race wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a chance to cross off an ultramarathon off my “life list.” I wasn’t planning to do another one. Just go back to my comfy road races.
But.. here I am at a crossroads. Do I go on, saying “I gave it my best and on that day it wasn’t enough” and just move on — or do I turn back around, lace up the shoes again and start over feeling that “I had a battle to win out there and I’m not done fighting yet.” I think my soul revealed to me tonight the answer. I’m not done with this yet. Just for my own integrity, for my own belief in my will to keep going, to conquer and to make myself proud — I owe it to myself, to my children and my grandchildren to never have to say to me later “So.. if you thought you could have done it – why didn’t you ever go back and face it again and beat it once and for all?” I can’t live with that.
I looked up some official 50K’s and could not find anything coming up near me until August. I don’t want to wait for that. The race we did was laid back and not very official, so by the same principals, I think that means I can just make up my own race and head out there in a few weeks and do this thing on my own if I have to.
Three weeks ago, we did the 20 + miles in the same foothills. I felt totally recovered and ready on race day to tackle the challenge. So.. I’m thinking within 3 – 4 weeks I’d like to try again. Same place. Official distance – 31.07. Will it count? Not officially – but in my heart – oh yeahhhhhhh.
That’s it for tonight.